Feels Like Eternity

I miss the way you smell when I snuggle in close and feel your warmth

     The way your fingertips feel as they move across my skin

I miss the way you look at me and tell me you love me

     When we’re in a crowded room

I miss the sound of your voice and the smile you give me

     The silly little things you do

I miss your arms wrapped around me keeping me safe

     When the world seems too heavy to carry

I miss you telling me I’m beautiful

     And all the sweet things you do for me

I miss the comfort of being held in your arms

     While you nuzzle your face into my hair

 

I miss you.

 

*Blowin off the dust*

Long time no see old friend of mine. I must admit, I’ve been preoccupied elsewhere. Started a bloggity about our daily life and all the challenges we face. Too much writing from my phone. Imagine doing all of THAT with a cell phone. Geesh, at least I don’t have an old phone with just a keypad, I would have given up long ago. *pushes* 3 3 3…crap one letter too far, let’s try again. No fuckin way.

Life has been absolutely grand. Some great changes, new adventures and plenty of memories! Suck it internet, I’m still happy when you aren’t around. Speaking of internet, I am wanting a computer so badly. One of my gaming buddies said he’ll ship me his old comp that just needs a harddrive. That’s cool. Price of shipping, count me in. I don’t want to ‘rock the boat’ here though. Things are going smoothly, I would hate to mess up what we’ve got going. I do however, feel as though I am in the right mental state to be able to handle a mmorpg and not let it consume my life, like they have always seemed to do. Boundaries, limits, no exceptions.  First off, I have to get a working comp tho! Not only for gaming, but so that I have a better tool to write with. Actually writing sucks, is slow and takes too long for me to get my thoughts out. I love typing, I’m good at it, and it helps me get shit down before my brain erases it and comes up with a whole new string of thoughts. I hate it when it does that!

Gosh, more randomness, less bloggity – that’s what the other one is for, even though I feel so constricted on what I write. All about my daughter, our family life, being a good mommy. Sometimes I just want to SCREAM! I’m not always that ‘nice’ and I don’t want to portray that side of me on there. Ah well, that’s why I have you, my randomnessly filled blog of treats. You never know what you’re going to get. I do know that after we get a comp, I’ll be posting up pictures, and all sorts of good stuff!! Damn, I have to go to work already? Ugh, ok. Maybe I’ll add more later. Doubtful, but we’ll see.

Toodles
J

W.T.F.

As I’m sitting here, trying to find something to write about….THIS of all things pops into my head. I really am out of my mind.

Don’t tempt me, you impudent fools,
For I am the one to save you all!
Play me not, for I am no fiddle;
You are MY instrument and shall do as I command.
The wrath of judgment is upon you.
Follow me, I shall spare you.
Turn from me, you shall die 1,000 deaths;
Each more agonizing than the last.
You will scream out my name,
Pray for my mercy!
Yet I will bat no eye in your direction,
For you have already chosen.

.No Subject.

I feel so alone
Yet I can touch your face
Empty eyes glare my way
What is it this time?

Having an anger I can’t subdue
A sadness I can’t touch
Unwillingly full of attitude
If only I could find the reasons why

Trying to find you took it all
As I drive the nails in the coffin
My soul cries a thousand tears
Why can’t I fix myself?

I got more from my father
Than I ever want to accept
Still fucking up my life
While having no hand in it

Trapped behind these eyes
I wish you could see inside
I’m caught in the eye of a hurricane
With no relief in sight

A ball of confusion I am
Just wandering the world
Looking for your forgiveness
While trying to find myself.

(Don’t ask, because I won’t tell.)

Don’t Judge Me!!

If you do, oh well, whatever.

Sleep, sleep, sleep
All I want to do is sleep
Lounge, be lazy, be irresponsible, enjoy my 26th year doing as little as possible.
Hell, that ain’t gonna happen.
oh well.
Punnnctuaaationnnn suuuuccckkkksssss baalllllllsss
Money, money, money
The rich stay rich and the poor stay poor.
My brain seems to work in 3s lately.
At times, I have to say things over & over, in my head I’m screaming SHUT UP, but my robot mouth just dribbles on.
You think I’m crazy?
Juuust might be.
Yawwwwn. I want sleep.
My head hurts, my body hurts, I’m nauseated, irritable, tired.
Can I just sleep for the rest of this year?
Can the money gods just grace us with some cash, please?
Maybe a dead beat father can pay his child support just once, so I can count the 5 month wait for the next monthly payment.
Bitching solves nothing, and yet here I am….
…………blllllaaaaaah……………….
I’m going to go, I’m in a rather crappy mood.

Have a WONDERFUL weekend.

In Through Your Nose

…..siiiiigh….

Hello, again.

3 bars, 2 bars, no service, full bars.

I think the service on my phone has the same pattern as my mood swings.

I could totally get in trouble right now.

I don’t really give 2 flying fucks pig asses.

Hmm, punctuation or not

I want to be understood without having to go into detail every time.

Green curtain…mmhmmm, sure it’ll work.

La, la, lalalala laaaaaa

Lord save me, this IS hell isn’t it.

Awake now?

……*hides phone*…….

Bjjgfsdddkkllppjhcdetjhh

Phew, nope.

I should really apply myself more.

Eh, but then that means more work.

Oooo money! I know I want just a teeensy bit more…every day.

Yeaaa, cuz that’s going to happen.

Let it all go!

Slowly breathe…in through your nose…hooooold…….out through your nose.

Crap, that didn’t work.

Kitty!! Where arrrrre you?

Flashy light, please?

Do I really have to eat today? I’m already crossing THAT off my list.

I’m addicted and I love it.

People search their whole lives to find shit that doesn’t really matter.

I don’t bother looking, never have.

Let’s rewind back a few days

Jump! Jump! Higher! Jump!

Gross, frogs.

My inner voices yell at each other, that’s never good.

I’m wrapped up in my life, prepared to be let down

Who really cares anyway?

Ooooo a song!

*sings* Juuuust think about yourself, fuck ‘em. That’s the way the world goes, fuck ‘em. Doo da ba dooo dooo

Thank you, thank you

*catches rose and puts between teeth*

Mmmffhhaanks

Nope, don’t care about none of that there editing. Take it as it is.

Hmmm I wonder how many I have

Random alert! Random alert!

Hmm what’s that smell? It smells like I am cooking something….

my oven isn’t on and my table is full of raw meat

I get to ‘man handle’ all this meat.

If you think that’s rough, you should see me carve a turkey!

I am reallllllllllly ready for a vacation.

I am tired of grocery shopping.

Run hamster, run! You’ll get to the end of the wheel…pffft, loser.

…..siiiiigh…..

(yea, i really just sighed)

Chicken, chicken, beeeeef.

Don’t touch my riiiiiice.

I am elongating lots of things tonight.

That word looks, well, odd. It auto popped up on my phone. It must be real.

My blog sucks. It sucks so bad that I’m embarassed to tell my friends about it.

Loser.

I almost need tramatic events to take place so that I have some inspiration.

Oooooh yeaaaa… I totally forgot about that. I just found my inspiration.

Awww, that’s so sad. sad face. Why did I have to start thinking about that?

So. I said I was going to put up that dang ole recipe. Maybe Sunday night.

Ugh, that one ingredient’s pic totally has my face in it.

Blah.

Yes! I have achieved randomness of a new dimension.

You probably have no idea about what I’m even going on about.

If you figure it out, let me know! I have no clue either.

I’m trying so fuckin hard not to curse in this post. Crap.

I hate Barney.

I don’t hate a whole lot of things. Hate is a powerful word.

Are my friends really my friends?

Do I just perceive them as something they are not?

Is it all my fault?

Why do I have such issues realizing what mood I am in?

Isn’t that just supposed to come naturally?

I have to sit and think about it. Usually I am so indifferent, that I couldn’t be bothered to feel anything. If I am upset, I have to let it stew. Then, once I have time to think, can I figure out why I am so upset.

WARNING! WARNING! If you ever know me, meet me, talk to me, interact with me at all, you need to know this.

I am a bitch very mean person when I am 1) Hungry 2) Tired or 3) Sick. If I tell you I am one of those 3 things, just back…away…

I can’t be held responsible for what I may say and/or do.

I really need to put this meat away. I better go anyway, this is probably too long now anyway.

I’m not proof reading this, suck it up.

OH YEA! I wonder how many haters I got. Hopefully it’s more than 5.

If you are one of my haters reading this, fuuuuuuuuck you, bitch.